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I disregarded it because, well, I was fucking.
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Then suddenly things got a little warmer down there. I tore it open, slapped it on, and got down to the business at hand.Īt first it was all good. (Actually, there was one dream that will haunt me ‘til the day I die.) So she went rummaging through her drawers and found one. Since I had planned to spend the week with my mom and my aunts, the thought of any sexual encounter hadn't even entered my mind. The rumors in high school were true: she really could suck the sap out of a maple tree. We got back to her apartment and started going at it. Once again, Jose Cuervo proves himself the ultimate wingman. After 5 or 6 tequila shots she was inviting me back to her place.
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In the years since high school I'd lost a lot of weight and learned how to talk to women without sweating like a runaway slave, so she was actually into me. We decided to meet at a bar later that evening to catch up. I was back in my hometown visiting my family for a couple of days and I ran into a girl I'd lusted after and masturbated to many times in high school. What if this girl had some sort of extremely fast-acting STD that condoms are powerless to protect against?Let me set the scene for you. But if you're using one of these chemically-enhanced condoms without knowing it, like I was, it can be one of the most horrifying experiences of your life. I'm sure it does create a new and exciting sensation for you and your partner… if you're expecting it. They advertise that they create a warming sensation that turns into a tingling sensation which enhances the sexual pleasure. You can't blame a guy for trying.īut these Fire & Ice condoms are a completely different beast. I don't really need Magnums but if there's a cute girl at the register I'll grab a box, put it down on the counter, wink at her, and, usually, get escorted out by security. Whenever I'm low on cash and I happen upon one of these bowls sitting on a bar like unsavory Halloween candy, I grab handfuls of them, take them home and store them up like a squirrel hoarding nuts for the winter.Įvery once in a while I'll buy a box of Magnum condoms.
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For those of you who don't live in New York City, many bars here have bowls of free condoms provided by the city just sitting around waiting to be taken and used. In a pinch, the NYC Condoms work quite well. I also like to put them on inside out so that I get all the extra ribbed sensation. They have a snug-but-not-tight fit and an acceptable amount of lubrication. If I have the time, money, and forethought to stock up beforehand, I'll usually go for LifeStyles Ribbed.
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Having tried many different brands and types of baby-juice catchers, I've narrowed down my selection to the ones that best suit me given the particular situation. Normally, though, I'm very particular about my condom choice. The point is, balloons make terrible condoms and if I'd just taken a few seconds to read the box, neither Carrie-Anne nor I would have had to go to the hospital for first degree friction burns on our genitals. How many times have you been in a rush, run to the store, grabbed the first box you saw in the condom aisle, then arrived home only to discover you've bought a box of party balloons…and in your horny desperation tried to use them as condoms? No? Just me? Fine, be that way. You need to know what you're buying, especially when the consequence of ignorance is AIDS, a baby, and/or an AIDS baby. In the commercial two people walk into the store, their hair blown back from the supposed force of all the orgasms they've had (or possibly stuck in that position because of all the flying bodily fluids that got caught in their hair during this apparently epic fuck session), and ask what kind of condoms they had just bought and used.įirst off, that's just irresponsible consumerism. I've been seeing the commercials for these new Trojan Fire & Ice Condoms.